There are many things I want to change about my life.

Maybe not change, but improve.

I started with quitting smoking; it's hard, but I'm doing it.

But there is so much more I want to improve.

Herbalism.

I would like to start to incorporate more natural methods into all aspects of my life. Cooking, medicine, healing, de-stressing, imbibing, etc.

It seems a little daunting right now, considering I live with two very unhealthy boys who are so stubborn about their eating/drinking habits.

But this is my life, and I'm not trying to change anyone around me... I just want to be able to say, "I did the best I could with my life; I got the most out of being here on this Earth."

With my guilty conscience, I just can't be proud of myself if I continue to live at this stage.

We should always be wanting to improve ourselves, our health, our living conditions.

I want to keep moving UP in life.

And if I inspire others to do the same, then that's amazing.

I always thought that you can't change the whole world,

but you sure as hell can change YOUR world.

Had two different end of the world dreams last night.

Michael had a similar one, and so did my niece.

NOT TO MENTION the fact that Doomsday_Myths apparently started following me on Twitter in the middle of the night.

ODD.

I don't believe in coincidence, but I'm hoping this is just that.

I guess this just furthers my belief in believing in everything. huh?

I guess I always believe in the power of our minds when it has something somewhat positive or productive as a result. When it's so negative, it's easier to say "just a coincidence." I don't want to lie to myself, but the truth is, I still don't understand the full nature of my dreams yet, or my mind's abilities as well as I should.

I don't know why we were all dreaming about the end of the world, but I don't want to live my life in fear of something like that happening, especially since I have no power to stop it.

But I believe in the collective consciousness, and if everyone's thoughts are directed somewhere, well, we'll all definitely get there. It's a little scary, but in knowing this, we can shift our thoughts, our energies to wherever we really want.

I feel personally, that I have set in my own destiny from a young child, many things to accomplish, do, see, support, help, nurture, create, destroy, etc. If the world were to end any time soon, many of those things would not happen.

The thought of this brings great sadness into my heart.

I feel like I will accomplish many good things in my elder years.

So let it be then, that I shall live full and die old, wise, accomplished, peaceful, and ready.

okay, enough.

Dreams

I wake up, in awe of what I have dreamt.

The most vibrant world, created solely in my mind.

I had so much power inside of me; I could do anything I wanted. I could fly, I could create things with my mind, I could calm seas of people with my will over magic. No one else had it. I could humiliate my enemies (then take it back and make them better than before), I could dress giant castle halls and ballrooms with this great power inside me.

It was in a world so vibrant. Giant Indigo Moons presiding over glowing cities, burning bright with their blue, green, silver, pink, gold buildings. The architecture so beautiful. Riveting towers and tasteful existence. It was a world that respected its natural splendor, but was not afraid to use advancements in technology in a sparse and glorious way. Shimmering purple lakes. That was the world I knew, the world I was from. It was so beautiful.

When I looked upon my world, at this view, seemingly on top of it all, I knew they all feared me there. For great power did not bring respect in all places. It brought awe in this giant hall; these people so grateful for the magic I had shown them. But in the cities, these fantastical cities I called home, it was not the same way.

I had a purpose for being there. I was to find someone... someone evil. I could have easily killed him, imprisoned him... but that was not the way it was to be done. Instead, I would trick him, foiling his plan without him even knowing. Teaching him his wrongs through his failed executions.

I wake up, in awe of what I have dreamt.

The most vibrant world, created solely in my mind.

I wake up, feeling my power dwindling.

What place did I just visit?

Who's body did I just inhabit?

The detail, the exquisite colors... can it really just be in my mind?

And if so.... if my mind truly did all this.... what else can it do?

What am I truly capable of?

Day One of No Nicotine

This is my first day without NICOTINE.

I am accepting the fact that I am a drug addict. That I am addicted to the chemical NICOTINE.

This addiction is powerful, and I am not as strong as NICOTINE is. But I don't need to be. I don't need to fight NICOTINE.

One day at a time. Today, I am freeing myself from bondage.

My reasons are a few. My voice, my health, my vanity. These things have brought me to commit myself today to being free from nicotine addiction. Today, I am committed. No nicotine for me. It is a chemical, nothing more. And I will be restored, revived, refreshed, rejuvenated, relaxed. Many of my anxieties about my health will slowly dwindle. I will be healthier, more beautiful, but most importantly, more calm.